It’s been four years…

It’s been four years since you turned away with tears running down your cheeks. The leaves crunched under your feet. I didn’t feel it then. I didn’t know. I thought you would come back in a day or two and we could carry on. But now I know I won’t run my fingers through your hair, kiss your soft pink lips, or even see your shining eyes.

I’ll never see your face again.

I’m going to come clean to you.

Then I’ll deserve to see your face again.

I can change! Everyone can, I watched you shift and morph into a perfect young man. I can empty out my soul and clean my wounds. The wounds I’ve created myself. I can become something new! Let me try again!

I’m sorry I can’t expose myself to everyone like you can. I’m not brave, though I pretend. I’m not strong, though I pretend. I’m not… I’m too proud to depend on you, though you depended on me. I’m too scared to tell everyone about you.

You could, you told everyone, because you could. You knew they would accept you. You asked me to come and give you support. Why did you ask me for support? I’ve broken when I lean upon myself.

But you stood up in front of your family and told them. I saw them smile and say they would aways love you. I wish I could stand up in front of everyone, but it’s a new decade.

And all I have to show are memories of a poor broken heart.

Your broken heart.

I miss you so much! Stop making me wait! I want to be like you. I want your life, your family… your love. You have the power to walk away when you know nothing will change. You have the skill to live without someone. I know you think that I’m strong.

My mind is bruised and broken. My heart has stopped beating.

Four years…

I’m changing for you.

I’m at your front door; will you let me in? I have so many problems, so many faults, so many dents. I can’t make you take me in again. I want to be the one for you. I can’t take back my mistakes. But I can love you.

I’m a horrible, self-conscious person. I’m insecure. Will you take me back?

I’m pressing the button. You walk towards the door. It opens and your green eyes widen. I know you’ve been waiting for this day.

You once said everyone can change.

I’ve changed.

Is it too late to try again?

Here I am!

Every man can change.

Here I stand!

You fall into my arms.

Here I am!

Here I am—

For you.