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Date: Friday, July 6, 2007 Time: 7:17 PM 2nd post.....
So I've just finished reading depressing blogs and i found out that my life is so much worse than all of them combined. so after reading i went through my daily routine of thinking about committing suicide but today i actually reviewed about how bad my life is and now i really feel like doing it..... think about it though, i think that if i disappeared from this world no one would even notice i was gone. they would just go on with their lives and who knows if i'm lucky in 10 years time or so they will think *hmm, what happened to whats-her-name who used to hang around with us last time?* so what have i got to live for now? my results suck and my mum convinced me that i am useless and there is nothing i can do about it, i am constantly surrounded by useless people (not referring to anyone specific), PMR is in 10 weeks or so and at my current state i just know that i'm hopeless, no creative talent whatsoever, i cant sing, cant dance, cant do anything right and whatever i am good at there is someone who always manages to beat me at it. the only thing keeping me alive right now is Darren/Mlissa/QiangQiang seriously, i <3 you guys for sticking up for me and keeping me from committing suicide. looking back, i dont even know why i started this daily routine of thinking about committing suicide. maybe i AM an attention seeker after all. maybe i just <3 unnecessary attention surrounding me. well, maybe i shall cut that out right now. thats right, i'll just be like the whitewash on the wall, plain, dull, boring, no sign on attraction whatsoever. yes, i think i'll be happy with that. all i need are my friends to support me. no more laughing like an insane freak, no more doing stupid things on the lrt, no more shouting at people for the whole world to hear. i'll just be invisible then. unnoticeable , and unhearable. thinking about that, it kinda is what my life is now. no one sees me, mo one listens to me. they hear me, but dont listen. they know i'm talking but have no idea what i'm talking about. no one cares, no one is near. i have no one in this world. i have nothing left to live for. i'll just lock myself in my room now with the windows closed and curtains pulled, and fan turned off...maybe, just maybe if i'm lucky i might be able to escape this depression mode |